The First Mile: Looking in the Mirror

In my opinion, today's society basically forces a woman to feel like crap about themselves. It you're not Sir Mix-A-Lot's 36-24-36, you're a piece of crap, right? So what's the status on my self-image today? It depends on the day.

Having lost 100lbs once and being close to doing it for a second time, you'd think that I would stand in front of the mirror and be like "Day-um, my arms are chiseled, my legs are rockin' and just check out these abs." Not quite. To be honest, I think I was more comfortable in my skin weighing 268 then I am today at 179. Why? I'm not sure. Maybe I was blind to how big I really was.  All I know it, most days, I feel like I look worse now then I did then.

Many people tell me that I'm hardly recognizable with all the weight I've lost and maybe so, but when I look in the mirror, all I see is one big flabby stomach. Oh there's some abs under there from all these workouts, but they're covered in fluff. And lots of it. Don't get me wrong. I can honestly tell you I love having a collarbone. I love having rockin' calves from running. My arms are getting more toned every day (though I still have the chicken-wing effect going on).

There are plenty of days that I run from the mirror and there's days I can't get away from it. The way I felt on the day of my daughter's baptism will stay with me forever. I wore a pink pencil dress and I rocked it! My hair was done, makeup and accessories were perfect, my "suck-me-in" (Spanx) were working overtime, and my spray on tan left no streaks. I felt HOT! And then my husband told me I was stunning. That was all I needed. I'll carry that with me forever.

So, this self-love stuff. Right, about that. Where does it come from? I guess only one person can answer that - YOU. Or in my case, me. It's like running - sometimes you nail that run and go faster then you have before. Other times, you're just going through the motions but you still get that run is. What I'm saying is that sometimes it's really there. Sometimes, you just got to "fake it til you make it."

Sometimes it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It's hard to look back and say, "I've lost XXX pounds and XXX inches! Look at me! I'm incredible! I'm a knock out!" It's easier to think, "I still have XXX dress sizes to lose and XXX pounds to lose and I look like I'm carrying a baby kangaroo in this pouch" But sit back and REFLECT. As women, we are incredible beings: we can carry a child and give birth; we can nurse a baby while feeding a toddler and read the latest Us Weekly at the same time; we can go on two hours of sleep; we can train our bodies to go the distance; and squeeze 30 hours of work into a 24 hour day.

So women, especially us moms, REFLECT on what you do in a typical day. REFLECT on what you have overcome - large hurdles and small. REFLECT on where you are going and what kind of an example you are setting to those around you; your children. CELEBRATE the fact that you can do anything your heart desires. CELEBRATE the fact that you wear an invisible cape and you are the real Super Woman. CELEBRATE your perfections and inperfections.

At the beginning, I was saying how unattractive I felt and at the end I'm saying to reflect on it and to celebrate those imperfections. Does that make me a hypocrite? I don't think so. It makes me human. I can love everything about myself one minute and loathe it the next. I have the right to change my mind. After all, I'm a woman! Bottom line is, learning to love and accept yourself is a roller coaster and a life-long adventure. It doesn't happen when we hit our goal weight or our dream dress size (and if you shop Old Navy, you'll hit that goal dress size sooner thanks to Vanity Sizing!).

NEXT TIME: The Second Mile: Race Day